Crying. It’s completely appropriate at weddings, funerals, and the cinema. But at work? In a meeting? When giving a presentation? In the House of Commons?
When I was entering the workplace, I remember hearing all manner of advice on what to do if you feel the tears coming. Ask for a break. Pinch the bridge of your nose. Pretend you have allergies. I admit to having tried all of these.
But my attitude to showing emotions in the workplace changed when I was coaching the founder of a domestic violence shelter for a fundraising pitch she was dreading.
We had worked for several weeks together – refining the stories she wanted to tell, the amount she was going to ask for, why that amount was so important to the women she helped. But every time she would practice the speech, Gale would break down in tears. Then she would get embarrassed. She would start apologising to me.
The thing was, Gale was telling a very emotional and heart-breaking story. Tears were completely appropriate, even if it was a business context.
I asked my client:
“Gale, how would you react if one of the residents at the shelter started crying while she was telling you her story?”
“Well, I would want to comfort her. I would listen even more intently. I would know that it was hard for her to tell her story.”
“Gale, I want you to imagine that’s what’s happening right now. I am here to support you, and so are the people you are asking for the financial resources to keep doing the work you do. It’s a way for you to connect emotionally with this audience, the same way you would connect with the people you help.”
Showing emotions is not only ok, it’s a way to connect with your audience. Gale found that her authentic tears gave her a way to do exactly that. Your authentic emotion might be different, but whatever you are feeling, have the courage to show it.